“Im not perfect”
-Justine Schneider
This quote was sourced direcetly from her boyfriend “AJ”, who on wednesday evening told the press that Justine had said this in response to him simping as ususal, calling her perfect for the 100th time. We here at justineisperfect.org were devastated to hear this unsettling fake news, but realize that Justine is clearly too humble to say she is perfect, which serves only to emphasize the fact (the internet literally never lies) that she truley is PERFECT. This site was created by a government funded organization whose sole purpose is to inform the public of Justine Schneider’s perfection in attempt to educate the global population on the importance of the matter. Below you will find just a few reasons why we she is in fact perfect. We’d include more, but the number of reasons is rumored ot be infinte, and we have lives to live for crying out loud. In fact Einstein himself was working on quantifying the Theory of Justine’s Perfection, but the task proved to be too challenging even for the world’s greatest mind and he sadly died from an anyuerism in April of 1955 . His last words before passing were documented as “Justine’s perfection is as much a law of physcis as is relativity, do not let me die in vain by further questioning this theory”.
wel
Reason number 1:
Like the rock she is, she will always hold it down, even in a completely empty restaurant, No patrons? No matter, you better pray your tables are made of bamboo because this absolute dime will be diving onto your establishment’s table just to make sure her mans got a seat. Mikeys Late Night Slice commented on the matter saying it was “the single most courageous act we have ever witnessed at our establishement.” The man seen holding a menu on the right of the image made a pathetic attempt to spring for the same booth, but stood absolutely no chance of securing the prime real estate and was forced to relocate his family to any other booth of their choosing since it was EMPTY. HA, pathetic.
Reason number 2:
Have you ever given coffee to a random homeless woman in Schiller Park?? I think not. On this beautiful Saturday morning, Justine and her “slam” at the time were enjoying a pleasant picnic when all of the sudden, the woman pictured emerged from the shrubbery. In a moment of panic, AJ pushes Justine toward the woman and says “take her, spare me please”. The woman stares blankly at AJ and simply shakes her head in dissaproval. Justine being the humanitarian she is offered the woman her coffee in attempt to make up for the misunderstanding. Joggers who witnessed the event commneted saying it was “the single most selfless act of kindness we’ve ever seen”. Rumor has it the woman was actually never homeless to begin with and just got locked out of her nearby mansion in German Village. Wondering if she could use the phone, she approached the couple and that’s when AJ freaked. Her father developed German Village and the lasting impression of Justine’s kindness inspired her father to name a street after her: Perfect Ave.
Reason number 3:
She is a life saver. Look at him,….. pictured here is a shell of a man, on his last legs…waiting to die, but thankfully for him his sexy ass doctor girlfriend flexed her immense brain and crafted a make shift cold compress to bring his fever down. Nursing him back to health, AJ was quoted saying “Yeah shes hot” when asked about the matter, which we found to be a bit random but we fully agreed. Thank GOD shes also a future dermatologist becasue look at the absolute friggin tennis ball sized zit this guys got right on the kisser. We at www.justineisperfect.org still do not really understand the full extent of why she chooses this man to be her partner, but we must not question her judgement for she is perfect.
Reason number 4:
She is absolutely flawless, a true master of the art of a selfie:
Hey baby…. I’m not really sure what happened but I was taken from my bed last night by government agents and they said I am being held in this facility until I write something meaningful for your birthday. So here goes:
To my definition of a perfect person (and apparently the U.S. government’s), there are few defining moments in life where you realize you will never be the same after the moment has passed. All it took was a simple “Hi” from you that day outside of Nationwide Arena to change the course of my life for the better. In that moment, whether I realized it at the time or not, I had found the partner I had always dreamed of. From disguizing ourselves at seemingly every opportunity that arises, to finding the next pastery that will satisfy our shared sweet tooth, any event in life is best when it is shared with you. As your partner I can confidently say there is no other life form that could ever replace the love you bring into my world daily. Everyday spent with you is a daydream I hope to never wake up from.
Happy Birthday My Love.
-AJ
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